Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
