I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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