he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
