We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
