My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
