Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
