Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
