yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
