then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
