I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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