problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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