I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
