Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
