Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
