that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
