I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
