A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
