you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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