Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Randomize
