This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
