We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
