Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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