GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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