Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
