Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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