Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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