Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
