your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
