I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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