Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
