Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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