Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
