Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
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