My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
