He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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