remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
