I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
