This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
