I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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