Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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