He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
