the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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