Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Drake has all the answers
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
