i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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