Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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