On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
