I queefed so loud it echoed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
