I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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