i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
