He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
