I need help removing her.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
